Monday, July 25, 2011

Happy birthday, mother dear.

Dear mum,

I know that you're not going to read this. I know that there is an extremely small, next-to-none chance that you'll ever read this - firstly due to my disapproval of your reading anything of mine from the internet, but mostly because of your ineptness and almost zero ability to use the computer, let alone browse for your daughter's mishaps.

You're a wonderful mother, and most of the time I fail to acknowledge that. You seem to have this expectation of me and very often, although not intentional, I feel that you don't hold any interest whatsoever in my studies. And I'll give you that I share the same infeignability - I'm horrible at faking interests in anything and I guess that shows. That's not to say that you don't love me - not in the slightest. Your capability as a mother has shown through with both myself and Andrew. We're good kids and we know it. Lazy, yes, but that has no relation on my original argument.

Yes, I'll admit that you can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Like when I'm in the middle of something you asked and suddenly change your mind and want me to do something else. I get annoyed at that because you're the one telling me to finish something once I've started and with things like that, I feel like you're rushing me and you know that I hate being rushed. Or when you've told me to do something and I said I'll do it in five minutes. I get up to go and you pester me again, and even while I'm in the middle of doing it! That annoys me also because I hate being asked to do something more than once, particularly when I'm already doing what you want. And your complex about swearing - you have absolutely no idea how much I  swear and even with things like, "shut up," "bloody", "oh my god" and even damn to an extent, you have a problem. Why that is, I'm not sure... you always take these things so much to heart.

Another major thing which has bothered me on and off is the issue of boyfriends and relationships... and to a major extent, friends. In primary school, you made this huge deal about my not being allowed to have a boyfriend until I graduated university, and it was perpetuated all throughout high school. Resentful? You bet. Even with friends, I wasn't allowed to go out with boys at all and I'd have to sneak my way through everywhere. I know it was wrong, but I was what... 13? 14? Too immature but I do realise that these restrictions were in place for a reason. If you'd never said those words, I'd probably be off the railings by now, getting mixed up in the wrong crowd and probably most significant, I probably wouldn't care about my family or school.

And I see it now - you didn't really mean what you said, but you said it to scare me so that I'd concentrate on the right things. I definitely see it. 100% and it's so clear. I don't regret rebelling against you but it let me acknowledge what my limits were - and that influence has rubbed onto me and I'm nearing the best person I can possibly be. Sure, I might not be the smartest person to walk the earth. Hardly expected. Sure, I might not be the most beautiful person you've ever seen. Again, not expected. I might not be the best daughter I could be - but I'm learning.

I could have written a post that flattered the world out of you and brought out the best in you, but that wouldn't have been genuine. It wouldn't have described your character - what makes you, you. I've toned down on your traits but that's not to say that I don't appreciate you, not in the slightest. You're the best mum I've ever had, the only mother I've ever had - the only mother I will ever have.

I love you and I wish you could be here to read this, but instead you're enjoying yourself on the other side of the globe in America, where all the good things are. I'm jealous that I'm stranded here, but it's no matter. My time will come.

Have a great day.

1 comment:

  1. awwwwww! except i picked out an error lol :O "And your complex about swearing" YOUR? YOUR?!?!?!?!