Monday, November 19, 2012

It's been a while.

With all reservations aside, I admit that it's ironic that sometimes the worst things happen to those who help others the most. The one undeniable question lingers in the air - why? Is it to compensate for all the non-existent wrongdoings in the past? Is it to take the fall for others? Is it because there's an unspoken equilibrium that just happens to distribute itself among all people unselectively?

I don't know.

Holidays are here. Don't blame me for the unnecessary rants. I just need a medium or two to voice this out. I haven't written something with substance in what seems like forever, and now seems like a fitting time to release everything that I've been bottling in for the past two, three, or even perhaps four months. 

I need to set my priorities straight.

I've had no time to debrief myself and now I'm paying the price. I constantly feel depressed, but I know it's just because I haven't spent nearly enough time with myself, or more importantly, for myself. I really don't have an excuse, either. I spend almost all my time sitting at home doing nothing, and I guess it's the nothingness which is really getting to me. I just don't know what's gotten into me lately. Maybe I'm too scared to invest the time, knowing that its effects are just too great for me to handle on my own and I end up putting it off further.

I don't know.

All I know is that the wrath is actually finally starting to accumulate more than anything else I've ever felt before. Just to brief you all, this feeling is honestly really strange. It's not like any normal feeling. I doubt it's depression, but I don't want to rule it out completely just in case it really is. Doubtful though. It's definitely a lingering feeling and it's strong, but not strong enough.

Omnipresent but not omnipotent.

Best description I can give it. If I had to liken it to something along the lines of ordinary, I'd say it resembles a fog, or a mist. It's there, and you can see through it, but it affects you. After a while, you grow acclimatised to its presence and it fades away, but it always comes back. It always does.

Basically my life in a nutshell.

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