USA Part 1: Los Angeles

So I'm now on the other side of the country, on the East Coast, in Orlando, Florida! It's not much of a "sunshine state" at present. More of a """"""""""""sunshine""""""""""""" state if "ya nom tom b0ut". Okay. I'll stop with the failed slang. I probably don't own the right to be typing in Americanisms yet.

One day. One day.

Anyway, after about a week, I'm happy to be.. I don't even remember what I was saying. I tend to get caught up whenever I'm blogging. Ignore that. Now, the only places I really visited in LA were Chinatown, Downtown LA and Little Tokyo - Chinatown because that's where I was staying, and Little Tokyo because.. well, it's Little Tokyo. 'Nuff said. Oh yeah, we also visited Olvero Street, which was pretty awesome.

The old Chinatown is an almost-ghost town. Words of advice? If you don't believe me, go there and I guarantee you'll be out of there in less than an hour. Apparently there's a new Chinatown in Alhambra, but we didn't go there. Time was too tight, but we have another 3 days in LA on the way back while we're staying in Hollywood.

The old Chinatown is really.. isolated. Shops aren't very busy to begin with, and everything shuts at about 5pm. Total culture shock. The other things I wasn't so used to:

• Exclusion of tax with prices
• Tipping people (you get used to it really quickly..)
• J-walking is totally illegal and no one does it and police actually care about j-walking
• Driving on the right side of the road (well this is the same in Korea but still)
• Drivers sitting on the left side of the car

Ahh well. It just takes time, I guess. Anyway, have some photos of Chinatown.

Korea Part 3: Gyeongbokgung/Hongdae

Greetings from LA! Apologies for the late post. I've been jetlagged and genuinely just exhausted. I'm still completely used to Australian time, so I fell asleep at 6am this morning local time which is about right.. midnight in Australia. Gahh, it sucks. ANYWAY, I should be complaining about LA in other posts. I hate being so behind and wanting to be up to date. Oh well. My fault completely.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LET US GET ON WITH THE SHOW.

It was a beautiful day. We were originally going to take a palace/temple tour but lol.. to be honest I don't mind visiting landmarks and monuments, but personally, if I've seen one palace, I've seen them all. Not the biggest history fanatic - all Asian palace/temples look somewhat similar. Sure, the architecture is beautiful but like everything else, I get sick of too much of it. I'm so thankful dad decided to just visit the biggest palace - Gyeongbokgung. God only knows how you pronounce it, but somehow we convinced the taxi driver that we knew what we were talking about. A+ for effort?

It was actually really grand. I'm glad we went. Despite the biting negative whatever temperature, it was a beautiful day. I still can't believe how cold it is. I said that I'm a temperature tolerant person!

We were fortunate enough to see the change over of the guard protecting the palace. I'm 100% sure that this is now just a tourist attraction, but it probably has something symbolic in there too.

-hours later-

I'm still jetlagged. It's literally like 5am in the morning and I haven't slept since I woke up at 2:30. I've had literally about 2 hours of sleep tonight and I'm actually dying. On a side note, I absolutely hate the internet here. Part of the reason this post is delayed is because the photos wouldn't upload. Like.. they did, and then the connection cut out.. and then along the way the photos disappeared from the uploaded list and blahblahblah just.. yeah no.

Korea Part 2: DMZ/Insadong

Korea has such a rich heritage and ongoing culture. Anyone who says otherwise is either totally ignorant or knows absolutely nothing (yes, I know they mean the same thing). I spent the morning and half of yesterday afternoon exploring that other side. My parents and I went on a tour to the DMZ (demilitarised zone).

My day started with a nice, 6:30am wake up call. Not. I'm totally not a morning person! :( We pretty much had to be out of the door at 7:30 and the tour started at 8:30. Our tour guide's name was Hayley. She was lovely and her English was pretty good, but she was quiet so I fell asleep for a good hour on the bus trip up north.

I forgot to mention that it was pretty much -10 degrees in the morning. Not fun. I was literally struggling to walk until it started to warm up ("warm" is a very relative term) a few degrees. The sun was so helpful, but I guess it's a double-edged sword. When the sky is totally clear, it's going to be absolutely freezing. No clouds means no heat trapping! I won't lie, I don't really know exactly where we went. I know we went to visit the Peace Bell and the station between South and North Korea, and also the very border between South and North Korea. Like, you could actually see North Korea from the lookout zone. We also visited an infiltration tunnel discovered about 20 years ago, which was an attempt to attack Seoul. It was so fascinating! Anyway, enough text, let's see some photos!

Myeong-dong: iPhone version

I took some more photos with my phone rather than the camera. I hope you're not all too overwhelmed with the number of photos I'm posting. Anyway, more is more, que?

Korea Part 1: Myeong-Dong

To this day, there has been so much hype about Korea. Korea this, Korea that. Korea is great! I love Korea! I was told on many, many occasions that shopping and food in Korea is second to none. The price is not even an obstacle.

Rightfully, rightfully so.

It's beautiful. The people are friendly, and to my surprise, I'm not having nearly as much trouble getting around as I anticipated. I knew that I had a lot to expect when I came here, but I honestly didn't expect this. I was sick the day before and thought that my days here would be miserable.

Boy, I was wrong.

The only real hang-up I have about here is the cold. It is so, so cold! Seriously. Anyway, enough of my bickering, and more recounting! Mum was still feeling pretty sick, so dad and I spent the day at Myeong-Dong. I didn't think we were staying so close to town. By taxi, it takes literally about 5 minutes (unless there's peak-hour traffic, which I fortunately experienced today..) to get there from our hotel. The concierge guy (I don't really know the technical term) is extremely helpful! His English is pretty great (just comparing it to my Korean, which is restricted to "anyeong ha seo" and "sarang hae yo"- not even sure about the spelling #yolo) and he showed us exactly how to get everywhere!

I only really wanted to see a cat cafe, but we ended spending the entire day in the complex. The first thing we saw was Zara. Right next to it was H&M in Noon Square shopping centre. The quality of Zara clothes is actually really good. I saw literally about 10 things that I wanted, and almost cried trying to restrict myself. I'll get things on the way back. I promised myself that much.

Brisbane to Seoul

A great, big hello to you all from Seoul!

It's been a gruelling however-many hours. From only being able to fall asleep at 2:30am, to having my mum shake me awake 3 hours later.. not good. I told myself that I'd sleep the entire way to Seoul, but that didn't happen either.

I could dedicate this entire post to my passionate distaste for crying babies on the plane, but that would be pointless. Long story short, I don't like children. However, ignoring that essential factor, the flight wasn't terrible. I was so exhausted that I just crashed, only to be woken up by some baby shaking their rattle. The food was actually pretty amazing for plane food, and I managed to watch quite a lot on the way there.

Firstly, I watched Total Recall (with Colin Farrel and Jessica Biel). It wasn't as great as I was hoping, but then it wasn't too bad either. I don't know what I didn't really like about it - it just didn't.. hit the spot, I guess. It didn't hit home and maybe it was a tad on the unrealistic side. I'm surprised though. Usually I like surreal movies. Oh well.. I'll blame it on my fatigue. I also watched an episode of Friends, Two and a Half Men and something else. My memory is terrible. I also started watching Vampire Diaries on my laptop but the battery died pretty quickly. With 90 minutes to go, I switched back and watched Celeste and Jesse forever. Not sure how I felt about that movie. Didn't watch the ending.

New music is the best.

Reading through my Tumblr for the past week, I've noticed that my mood has really lifted. About time, too.

If you've been following me for a little while at least, you'll know that music is an inherent part of my life. It's been a huge part of my life since I was.. about.. 2 years old or so. It's funny how time flies. I remember when I lived in my old house. My brother was 11 at the time and had piano lessons. Every time he did, I'd recall the melodies of whatever pieces he practised and I played them by ear. The problem with me was the handspan. Well.. it's pretty hard for a 4 year old to reach an octave. It's still not a complete breeze for me to play runs with octaves. Not fun.

You never realise how much music means to you until you stop. I hated practising when I was preparing for my final piano exam. 4 hours a day of anything (besides being on the internet) becomes a real chore.

Anyway, back to the focus of this post. I've been listening to heaps of new music.

Firstly, I've become an avid follower of the US and UK versions of X Factor. Simply magnificent. I'll show you a video from each of my favourites. Some of them have been voted out already, which is a real shame. I almost actually cried when they got eliminated. Definitely did not deserve that.

2012 is the worst year yet

I'm trying hard to disconnect myself from everyone. I've decided that I need time to re-evaluate my friendships with certain people. This storm of emotion has just hit me all at once. There was no warning. Not the slightest hint. Oh well. I have to be prepared for things of this nature, because I know that this is definitely not the last time something like this is going to happen. I've realised that, as cliche as it may be, I've finally become a victim of the whole "discovering that the people you care about the most don't give a crap about you". What a classic sob story.

I'm surprised that something as seemingly petty as this is affecting me so much. If the rational me were in my place at present, I'd probably just flick my hair and walk away while laughing at myself, with pity. Unfortunately, the rational side of me left a long, long time ago, and left this pathetic version of what I'm ashamed to call myself.

I need time away from the people I see the most. As it turns out, I've been investing my time in the wrong people. Was it really a waste of time? Who knows. All I know is that I'm starting to realise why fate perhaps didn't want me going down this road. Now I really know what happens when you try to fix chance. I should have seen it.

From the beginning, all signs pointed to no.

My life wasn't ideal last year. It never was ideal. It will never be ideal. Perfection has never been a word I've been close to describing anything in my life. Well, besides my high school maths tests, and last year's chemistry exams, but that's totally irrelevant. Who cares about academics when there are always going to be underlying problems in your life?

It makes me wonder if everything is truly worth it.

This is only the first year away from my planned "fate". I honestly think that dentistry was probably better suited to me, simply because I don't think any of these mishappenings would have happened if I had stayed. Too late now. I don't know what to do anymore. As always, my present problems always take root in the past and relate to some unresolved issue I have. It makes me think whether I should target those underlying things, but then I always realise that there's nothing I can do about it because.. it's complicated. The resolution to a root problem always becomes another problem further down the track. It always affects other people, which is the worst part of it all. If I were the only victim of my problems, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't think twice before doing anything, but it's not the case.

It's a shame that I have to be pretty non-specific with my problems. Revealing personal stuff like this has never been my strong point, but so far it has protected me in more ways than not. So.. I'm pretty inclined for it to remain that way.

TL;DR: I feel like I've made the wrong friends. I feel like I've made the wrong career path. I'm helpless because I have no control over either factor.

You are an enduring fighter, with masked passions.

Your responses indicate that you have a normal desire to share yourself with others. However, this need is not being adequately fulfilled at present. As a result, you unconsciously attempt to treat this emptiness with momentary interests and temporary passions. If left unaddressed, this imbalance leads to impulsive behaviour and unnecessary risks.

Past betrayals have left you generally suspicious of others’ behavior, particularly regarding romantic relationships. You fear you may be exploited if you open yourself too fully. Consequently, you often seek some proof of a new friend’s or lover’s sincerity before you decide to trust them. Further complicating your relationships is the anxiety you have about your unfulfilled personal and professional goals. You fear that you’ve made decisions that weren’t in your own best interest, or failed to take advantage of opportunities when they presented themselves.

The desire to overcome these challenges sometimes lead you to seem pushy or even arrogant. Because this competitive urge is not always apparent to others, they are often surprised by it. However, the passion that underlies your desire for success is unique. This makes you unlike others. You cannot simply accept what life has to offer; you aspire for more.

Words cannot describe how accurate this is.

It's pretty scary.

I took the test 2 days ago and this was the first result that I got. I manipulated my answers a fair bit just because I wanted to get to the end of the test. It kept freezing on me - it didn't help that I was downloading both seasons of "Awkward" whilst taking the test. Bad move. More like bad timing actually, because downloading Awkward was the best thing I ever did.

Best show. Seriously.

In all honesty though, Awkward aside, I think subconscious psychological tests have some merit at least. I hope. Maybe. Just let me think it ok don't judge me.

It's been a while.

With all reservations aside, I admit that it's ironic that sometimes the worst things happen to those who help others the most. The one undeniable question lingers in the air - why? Is it to compensate for all the non-existent wrongdoings in the past? Is it to take the fall for others? Is it because there's an unspoken equilibrium that just happens to distribute itself among all people unselectively?

I don't know.

Holidays are here. Don't blame me for the unnecessary rants. I just need a medium or two to voice this out. I haven't written something with substance in what seems like forever, and now seems like a fitting time to release everything that I've been bottling in for the past two, three, or even perhaps four months. 

I need to set my priorities straight.

I've had no time to debrief myself and now I'm paying the price. I constantly feel depressed, but I know it's just because I haven't spent nearly enough time with myself, or more importantly, for myself. I really don't have an excuse, either. I spend almost all my time sitting at home doing nothing, and I guess it's the nothingness which is really getting to me. I just don't know what's gotten into me lately. Maybe I'm too scared to invest the time, knowing that its effects are just too great for me to handle on my own and I end up putting it off further.

I don't know.

All I know is that the wrath is actually finally starting to accumulate more than anything else I've ever felt before. Just to brief you all, this feeling is honestly really strange. It's not like any normal feeling. I doubt it's depression, but I don't want to rule it out completely just in case it really is. Doubtful though. It's definitely a lingering feeling and it's strong, but not strong enough.

Omnipresent but not omnipotent.

Best description I can give it. If I had to liken it to something along the lines of ordinary, I'd say it resembles a fog, or a mist. It's there, and you can see through it, but it affects you. After a while, you grow acclimatised to its presence and it fades away, but it always comes back. It always does.

Basically my life in a nutshell.

True to my word.. for now

HI YET AGAIN

YES THIS IS ME POSTING A DAY AFTER I POSTED

LIKE I SAID I WOULD

I'm extremely tired right now so my wording might be pretty simple but oh well deal with it

I blog at the most inappropriate times, every time.

Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Yes, that's a big hello to you. And to you, and you, and you, and everyone reading this.

Wow. September 3, telling you I'd post the next day. I guess it's like that 365 blog I set up last year - I got behind and so I was SUPER reluctant to post anything, but guess what, I finished it and 2011 is out on display for the entire world to see!

Why I put that, I have no idea. Just excuse my poor blogging skills at 2:19am in the morning. I don't know why I do this to myself. By the time I wake up, it's inevitably going to be some ridiculous hour of the morning and possibly the afternoon and the entire morning is going to be gone. Seriously.

(Unless you don't know my Tumblr, and in that case, you probably won't ever see it) :{D

Just an aside though, I have no idea why I hide my Tumblr from the rest of the world. Actually, my description of "hiding" is pretty loose. I'm super easy to find if you know what to input into google. And if that's not a big enough give away, my usernames for the majority of social networking databases are pretty consistent. All you need is mediocre searching skills - oh, and, the majority of you actually come from my Tumblr and read this so.. I don't know why I'm even saying this.

I can't believe it. I'm procrastinating typing about the events in my life by telling you all something completely irrelevant that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Sorry! Eeeeeeeeeek. Where to start?

So, it's like 2:43am and I'm about to absolutely crash. Like, there comes a point at night where you're just like NO and you feel physically sick to the stomach trying to stay up. That's me right now. I'll continue this post when I wake up. I actually feel like doing absolutely no work for the rest of the semester. It's terrible. I have no motivation right now! :(

Just kidding. It's almost 3am and I'm still awake.

I'm still alive guys!

After numerous requests to update this blog and my lack of motivation to do even an ounce of study this weekend, I decided I might as well prove to the general public that yes, I am indeed alive, and probably more importantly to give an update or two on my life.

So basically, in a nutshell, I've done jack.

It's week 5 already and I'm falling so behind on study. I don't mean to express full desperation and seek pity, but then again, it's nothing new. It's pretty much how I roll - motivation starts out strong at the beginning and gradually wanes throughout the semester. Regret and stress start to sink in, but by that stage, it's too late to rectify all the lost time. Fear of failure settles into me and I pick back up. It's a perfect description of my work ethic - intermittent and inconsistent, but it seems to balance out in the end, so I'm not really complaining.

The last post I made was over a month ago. I seriously can't believe that a month has passed already.. but let's have less of my bickering and carry on with the show.

So many things have happened in the past month. It's crazy to think how that many events have been packed into the short space of a month. Where to start?

I decided in the 5 or so hours that this editor has been open that I think I'd much rather just post about one event per day/a few events per day for the next couple of days. That way, I can sort of concentrate on a bit of study catch up while filling the rest of you in on what's been happening in my life.

Back in Townsville!

Hi everyone!

Thought I might update you all on my life, since it's been a while since my last post and I just want to make sure you all know I'm alive. It's almost the end of my holidays - I *officially* start on Monday, but I don't really have much going on until Thursday, and even that's a bit of a stretch to say I start. So, Friday it is! I guess I have just under a week of unofficial holidays. Even so, the past 6 weeks have just flown; I can hardly believe I'm starting back up again!

Ok so my timetable LOOKS a lot more busy than it actually is. On Monday, there's a clinical skills session, but it's only for home groups 1-4. I'm in group 20, which means I probably have another 2 weeks before I have to go in and do this session. :D Same goes for Friday - groups 5 & 6!

I doubt I'll turn up to Monday's 4-6 lecture because it's literally just an introduction to semester 2 - nothing new, really. So - I really start on Thursday and it's one hour from 3-4, and then Friday I have 9-10.. and then 2-4. I only have 4 contact hours this week - you have no idea how awesome that is. That means I have HEAPS of time to sleep in and settle back into Townsville life.

I've really gotten into 2 shows - Suits and Once Upon a Time. Both are fantastic! I'm up to date with Suits and up to episode 10/12 of Once Upon a Time. I really, really recommend both of them, along with House, Modern Family and Revenge. Definitely my current faves.

Suits surrounds an aspiring want-to-be lawyer, Mike Ross. He has an eidetic (photographic) memory and wants to attend Harvard Law school. One slight problem though - he cheated on the LSATs for who turned out to be the Dean's daughter and gets caught. As a result, he's banned from taking the bar exam and applying to be a lawyer himself. He struggles financially and one day, his best friend Trevor unknowingly sets Mike up in a drug deal. Stuff happens and he lands himself in an interview for Harvard graduates for an associate position at the prestigious Pearson-Hardman law firm. Mike gets the job, hired under a hot-shot lawyer called Harvey Specter. IT'S AN AMAZING SHOW OMG I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it is.

Ugh I was going to write summaries on all the shows but I can't be bothered. For Once Upon a Time, it's basically all your classic fairy tales melded into one show. It's very clever and not predictable because it's set in the present and the stories are changed so that they're all interconnected. Love it. It has Cameron off House! She's the main character, Emma Swan.

That's pretty much my holidays for now!
:{D

Pumpkin scones!

Hi all!

My mum loves pumpkin scones and yesterday she asked me if I wanted to help her make some. How could I resist? The real question - how could anyone who loves baking resist? Impossible. I must admit, mum and I overestimated how much the scones would rise, so we overcompensated and they turned out a lot smaller than we anticipated.. oh well, trial and error is the way to go!

With no further ado, I present to you my first attempt at pumpkin scones!

More purchases

Hi everyone!

I received my UrbanOutfitters package shortly after the one from ASOS. I'm delighted to say that I adore everything apart from this one ring that was really plasticy looking and kind of.. just idk I don't like it ANYWAY here are the rest of my purchases.

Well, almost everything in the following photos are from Urban. The red shorts and brown bag I purchased from Harbourtown and the really colourful kimono jacket up in the top right corner of the first photo is from ASOS. Everything else is from Urban! I also ordered 2 pairs of sunnies but I forgot to incude them. :(

A touch of red velvet

Today my best friend came over to make red velvet cupcakes. We went shopping for a few ingredients and then when we came home we realised that we kind of left out the cake patties......... ROOKIE ERROR ALERT ha ha ha hah ahaahahahhsdkjsnjknfgksjngsg anyway we compromised and decided to make a cake instead. :D

Red velvet cupcakes have always been a favourite of mine to bake. My batch this time, however, failed to meet my usual expectations. Somehow, they turned out a little burnt on the outside and even though they tasted as good as the usually do, it just wasn't up to scratch. I'm going to attribute this fault to my best friend HAHA I'm such a great friend!

And here is the recipe, as usual!

Unexpected!

It's Saturday now.. so although it didn't happen today, it's still pretty recent! On Thursday, I went shopping with mum to buy my brother some ties (and got myself a pair of Tony Bianco heels which I've been lusting over since the beginning of last year - on sale for $50 at David Jones, last pair!) and a few jumpers from Lowes (because they're absolutely amazing - soft and warm and just perfect for Winter). When I came home, I wasn't expecting anything. Mum went out to check the mail and called me over - there was a massive package for me outside! I'm a little.. iffy.. about sending anything from ASOS here anymore, because they don't ask for your signature to collect the package - they just leave it outside. I wouldn't want anyone taking my package, so I might redirect my ASOS orders to the box address.

Strawberry shortcake!

After copious numbers of messages back and forth, Jess and I finally decided that our baking session was a go ahead. Despite the dreadful cold and wet, we managed to partially ignore our reluctance.. us Asians are so laaaaaaazy!

A lot of people have been asking me the recipe for this amazing strawberry shortcake, and yes, it was absolutely delectable! I tasted the crumbs when it came out of the oven and I have to admit that I was expecting something a little less short-bready and more.. doughy.. if that makes sense.. but I tasted the rest of this cake and was thoroughly delighted!

Here it is, the long-awaited recipe!

AMEB ceremony!

I completely forgot that I had photos when I came back to Brisbane for the first time. I came back because I had an AMEB ceremony - I did my AMuS in flute last year and this year I had to get my certificate for it. Last AMEB exam ever! I had to come back for it. I wouldn't ever get another opportunity to listen to Brisbane's flourishing musicians.

Black Coffee Lyrics

Today, I went to the Gold Coast to visit my friend John. He's amazing - brains and a musician. Love him to bits. Anyway, back to the focus of this post.. we went to a beautiful little cafe which was tucked away, meshed in with these run-down little Asian eatery places. I totally wasn't expecting it to be in a location as it was. I guess that adds to the grunge factor of the place.

I really need to learn to sleep earlier. Maybe then I'll wake up earlier and won't struggle so much for the rest of the day. Or maybe I should just become a coffee/tea/caffeine snob. Maybe, but then again, there's the issue of my intolerance to caffeine.. should one override the other? I actually thoroughly enjoy coffee, although I'm not that much of a connoisseur. My expertise are limited to the Starbucks caramel macchiato, which, in my opinion, is amazing BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S PROBABLY CRAP OK.

I set my alarm for 8:00 and naturally, couldn't really.. get up the same minute I woke up. Instead, I played Subway Surfers to try to kickstart my adrenaline.

DON'T JUDGE ME OK SUBWAY SURFERS GIVES ME A VERY SUBSTANTIAL ADRENALINE KICK. Like seriously, if you don't believe me, you should give it a go.

So, continuing on, to add to the disorganisation of everything, I had to leave the house at around 8:30, but obviously when you wake up in the morning you really don't care whether you're going to be late, provided the time hasn't passed already. AND most of my clothes were in the wash, so I had to scurry downstairs and throw together a really.. idk I didn't like it, but it was the best outfit I could come up with, given the situation. I absolutely gunned it out of the house after mum's little freak out about not knowing where to go to catch the train etc. UGH by the time I left the house, it was 8:33 and my bus came to Sunnybank Plaza at 8:37 SHARP. I ARRIVED AT 8:37 AND THE BUS WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO LEAVE, LIKE I COULD SEE THE DOORS SHUTTING so I ran and caught it.

The train ride was good. Free wi-fi, and more Subway Surfers. I could hardly complain, except that I wish I had a book or something to read on the train - mainly because I know my battery would probably be dying.

I got to Nerang at 10:34am sharp and I started looking for John. Apparently he'd parked on the opposite side but I didn't know that........ awks.

What an amazing station.

Road trip

George, Danny, Dylan and I went for a road trip. It took literally the entire day and most of the night as well. It was actually such a strug getting up in the morning because I went to sleep at around 2:30 this morning after committing to spend most of my limited savings on ASOS and UrbanOutfitters for Winter/Summer clothes.

FAR OUT, I'M SUCH AN IMPULSIVE SPENDER. I REALLY NEED TO EFFING CONTROL MYSELF.

Anyway, that aside, I was supposed to meet Dylan at his house at like 10am but I only woke up 10 minutes before that and I had to get ready. Literally impossible. Instead, half an hour after, they drove over to my house to pick me up. How sweet. :D We picked up George and his mum fed us amazingly just like most other Asian mums. UGH SO MUCH FOOD, I FEEL SO BAD LMAO.

I found out we were driving up to Mt Glorious. I suppose it's near Maleny/just north of QLD. Just kidding LMAO I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT IS, I have the most terrible sense of direction imaginable. We arrived at about.. 1ish I think to the Mt Glorious Restaurant. It was beautiful! Beautifully pricey, too. I had a honey roasted chicken filo with like.. mango-ey, slightly curry sauce. It was.. nice, but the chicken was a little overcooked, and overall, definitely not worth the $29.65 I paid for it.

GP placement complete!

As a requirement set by my university, because we go straight into the MBBS program and not the science component before the postgraduate part, we had to do a GP placement - three 3-4 hour shifts (that looks so awkward typed out). I did mine with a GP pretty close to where I live, so it only took 5-7 minutes to actually get there, which meant I only had to wake up half an hour before I was scheduled to arrive each morning. Still, that wasn't nearly enough sleep for me since I'm used to waking up at around 10-11. 8:30am isn't the best time.. such a strug getting up every morning.

Anyway, complaints aside, it was a great experience. Although I think this has consolidated my thoughts not to go into general practice and specialise in something procedural, it was so insightful. It's interesting to note that I saw probably ONE viral infection and the rest of the cases were more complex. Lots of secondary infections from compromised immune systems, mostly in cancer patients. There were also a lot of heart conditions.

I mean, considering I'm only a first year and basically know nothing, I think I probably did quite a lot given the circumstances:

• Took some histories
• Examined people's ears
• Tested reflexes
• Performed breast examinations
• Took pulse, blood pressure
• Checked heart and lung function
• Lots of skin infections and lumps

I guess it kind of depends on what type of patients the GP is seeing on the days you're there. Really, a luck of the draw more than anything. I'm glad to have gotten it out of the way so that I can enjoy my holidays, except I have to do a reflective task on this placement. Joy.

I loved it. I hope the specialist placements at the end of the year are even better!

Finally have some time to breathe

Actually, kind of a contradiction. While I could be sleeping and enjoying my comatose state, instead I'm battling my fatigue and delivering this post. Why? Honestly, I'm still lost. It's a funny thing, isn't it? While our minds cry out in their desperate agony for rest, we seem to defy the clear logic and avoid what we need completely. I guess it likens a little to our parents nagging us for what seems like forever.

It could also be because I decided to indulge in a little cup of tea.

Seems harmless, right? What could tea possibly do to deter my sleep? Combine tea, or anything with the smallest morsel of caffeine, with me, potentially the person with the world's highest sensitivity to caffeine and you'll see.

Fun fact of the day? I can't tolerate much caffeine at all. If I have a FULL cup of tea in the morning, I can't go to sleep until the next morning, unless I'm so sleep deprived that I just fall asleep instantly, but that's quite rare for me. I used to drink 3-4 cans of coke per day while I was in year 12. Wasn't healthy, and I swear I developed a caffeine dependency. At one point, all I craved for breakfast was coke.. yeah. Moral of the story - I'm not a caffeine drinker. It sucks because I actually do like tea - especially bubble tea.

Point of this post - wait, there is none. Sorry for wasting your time. I should probably go to sleep now.

One down.. two to go

I don't even know why I'm awake right now.. yet again, I said that I was going to go to sleep """"early"""" and it's almost 12am. Considering I had an exam today, I really should be going to sleep. Maybe I should be stressing more, I don't know. I think I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm not going to do as well as I'd hoped. To be honest, I'm still in that mindset. Even through last year, everything was about doing well and achieving my full potential. My entire mentality revolved around these self-motivators:

• I was smart enough to achieve everything in high school, so why is this any different?
• It's all straight knowledge, so it should be easy to do well

I think I really need to learn the balance between studying and going out and what not. I just feel like if I'm not studying, then someone's going to judge me.. or something crazy like that. I know perfectly well that I'm being totally irrational, but while I'm still on relatively "easy street", I might as well take advantage of the lessened workload compared to what older years are going through right now. At the same time, I guess I don't really NEED to work as hard. As it stands, I probably could have sat the exams a few weeks ago and passed.

To be honest, this test that I sat today was a massive wake-up call. Usually I'd know my level of performance during an exam. Last year, there was not a single end of semester exam I walked out of feeling uneasy. It was a very different format and I really do much prefer it that way.. but what can you do? Legitimately, I would have really liked to do incredibly well this semester,  because let's face it, when you study, you intend to learn stuff. Today didn't show that. They assessed stuff I hadn't even looked over, and I'm cringing to think just how many marks I lost. The only comfort that's keeping me sane (barely) is the fact that today's test was the least weighted.. but at the same time it scares me because the other tests could potentially be much, much more difficult.

I'll say it now, but I got absolutely demolished on today's test. I'm preparing myself for failure and I'm not going to be surprised if I have to sit supps. I hope I don't. That 50% mark is just so close.. I hope 50% is the threshold. I'll be so angry if it isn't, because I heard that they bell curve us here which kind of sucks.

ANYWAY that aside, I ate SO MUCH today to drown my sorrows. Started off with a nice, enormous serving of muesli for breakfast and then went over a few things before going to uni for our exam. By the end of it, I was exhausted and so we went to Masala for lunch but it was closed. Far out WHY does it have to be closed on a Monday.......... we always make that mistake. Instead, we went to Maccy Ds and I just got a chicken & cheese burger and chips with sprite.. something small to suffice while we waited for Masala to open. We ran into a whole lot of people at Stockies and I honestly didn't want to talk about the exam but oh well.. eh.. I got an orange almond slice and cookies & cream ice chocolate from Gloria Jean's HOLY FUARK IT'S LIKE MY FAVOURITE DRINK IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

THENNNNNNNNNNNN we went to Masala and I walked out wanting to go to sleep. I was going to go to sleep..

Nek minnit, watching Deuce Bigalow. Such a good movie omfg but I wanted to go to sleep :(

Ahh well.

On another note, my 3rd stitch phone case came AND SOMEONE SCRATCHED THE METAL. I think it scratched when I was in Sydney.. my cousins were playing with my phone case and just detatched it.. fuark oh well. I'll just get another phone in a few years. Now that it's got scratches and what not, I guess I can just chuck in my bag. I think I'm going to change the case just because yeah.. I couldn't really stop my cousins from doing it though, particularly because one of them was going through such a hard time. It's a small price to pay for a minute of escaping the reality of what happened..

ANDDDDDD I made the med1 party event for Thursday. So farking keen, you have no idea whatsoever.. I'm just glad the worst exam is over. No matter how badly I did, I just want to pass. It's quite unfair though I wreckon, because last year's mid-year KFP was NOWHERE as hard as ours was. It was honestly so bad and I had no legitimate clue about a big chunk of it.

Oh well. TWO DAYS MUFOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Last minute freak out

IT'S ALMOST 2AM AND I'M STILL AWAKE OMFG.

I honestly don't even know whether I know half of what I need to know. Like, conceptually, I think I'm going to be okay, but as far as the detail goes, I don't know.. I'm not the type of person who can just remember statistics off hand FUARK. Ughhhh I just want to pass. I don't even know why I'm posting right now, I should either be studying or SLEEPING, HOW GOOD IS THAT FOR AN IDEA.

12 HOURS AND I'M IN TEST MODE. SERIOUSLY WHERE HAS MY SEMESTER GONE?!

My major achievement for today has honestly been calming people down. Ugh, I need to calm myself down.. I don't even know why I stress this much. I was never like this during high school! Anyway, Jacob was ranting to me about how he was really stressed and needed to calm down so he came over and I just calmed him and we went through a bit of study. We had dinner afterwards and then studied and went over some more stuff. I'm so tired/over studying but scared at the same time..

Proboscis?

Seriously, I don't even know why I'm so scared about these exams. I've been through it all before, but I guess it's because it's new stuff and yeah.. well.. I better sleep.

GOOD LUCK TO ME.

Resigned to mediocrity

Maybe because I just woke up, or maybe it's because I genuinely cannot do anything else to aid my chances in doing well this semester, but I'm just so over study.

Before I go any further in my last minute efforts to stay calm, I just want to put it out there that I had the weirdest dream.. I've forgotten the majority of it, but when I try remembering, bits and pieces come back to me. I remember the main part. It was that the date was 12/12/12 and my entire grade from high school was there. As in.. THEY GOT MARRIED. There were dresses everywhere but it seemed like more of a formal than anything? They weren't just white - there was literally about every colour you could think of, and it was at a really hilly place, on the grass, but somehow there managed to be a grandstand..

I remember trying to run to the ceremony place and almost catching up to everyone before the big crowd ran in, but for some reason I couldn't keep up. That's when I realised it was a dream - my indicator for lucidity seems to be falling behind - I know I'm a slow runner, but when it's to that extent, I realise that I'm dreaming. Most of the time it comes too late but oh well. Anyway, I took it to my advantage and made a 4th year come in and drive me to a place.. it's weird because I've never actually talked to her in my entire life, but anyway that's besides the point, she drove me to some place so I could talk to a friend who's at the coast. My lucidity probably wasn't at its best because I ended up at the grandstands, hiding away, but I managed to control that and get back to the 4th year's car. I remember her words were along the lines of, "I'm glad you didn't take all night" and I remember feeling really bad because I realised that she'd been waiting for me that entire time. There are some really hazy moments from that point forward because I woke up and then went back to sleep, but basically I got people to quiz me about tomorrow's test. +1 for at least partial lucid dreaming?

ANYWAY back to the point. It's 10:12am and I honestly really need to start revising, considering my tests start tomorrow, just over 24 hours away. I swear.. I'm never going to do handwritten notes ever again. It's such a waste of time. Well, aesthetically it's probably an amazing choice but time-wise, it just takes so long and I don't think for my purposes that it's worth it. I'm pretty sure I could have covered 10-20 times the amount of content that I've been able to, just because I'm really big on the whole consistency thing, so I kept going. Fucking worst move ever. I think during last week, I went through about 6 weeks' worth of content per day, as opposed to not even 1 week's per day.. so there's definitely an improvement. Maybe I'll handwrite everything, but I've found that flow charts are really useful.

From ^ this, to v this.

Just as a comparison.. I'm shuddering to think my handwriting became so bad.. but at the same time, I'm just glad that I managed to pick up. As you can probably see, I love flowcharts, and in fact, that entire book on the bottom is now full of flow charts.. well, half full. And it's probably clear that I've pretty much disregarded the lines in the book. I might as well get a book with no lines next semester because that's going to be so much easier, like it's going to save me so much time. I'M HONESTLY SO KEEN TO CHANGE MY STUDY HABITS.

I told myself that I'd sleep/wake up early this morning, and as usual that didn't happen. Instead, I wrote out my entire metabolic map, not from memory of course, but by the end of today, it will be!

Sah proud of it. :-) I need to be able to do it by memory though and omfg idk why but I can never do the urea cycle properly URGH. APPARENTLY IT'S THE EASIEST PATHWAY BUT I JUST CAN'T DO IT. /CREY

Anyway, I should probably get back to studying now. I've got the entire day to work!

I WANT TO COMMIT :(

Privacy and a life update

When I was in Sydney, one of my cousins came down the day after and had a chat to me about Facebook privacy and such. I'm actually quite scared about what could happen to me.. so.. in the next few months, I'll be changing everything so I'm virtually unfindable on the internet. Not quite sure how I'm going to do it though, how to go about it..

It's just that my cousin is a doctor and told me to be really careful, especially as a med student.. and when I do rotations and give out my name, I don't really want to be traceable as such. I just want to take precautions and what not so that I'm safe.

I guess I'll have to change my email addresses and stuff, and make sure my name (at least my full name) isn't anywhere to be found. I may even need to make another email address just for social networking sites and associate myself publicly as an alias, well not really, just not putting my full name. Ack. So.. freaking.. inconvenient. I guess it's reasonable though, but it just makes me feel like I'm growing up. Like.. really growing up. And I'm not sure whether I like that - I mean, I'm turning 19 this year! I remember when I was 15.. not even that, like.. when I started high school. Far out, time goes so effing quickly, I can hardly believe it sometimes. Everything has passed pretty much like a click of my finger - it's crazy. I thought high school would take forever to be over with, but it passed pretty much in the space of 24 hours (figuratively, of course), and first year dent just flew even more quickly. I've heard that the older years pass by even more quickly.

Semester 1 has gone incredibly fast. Exams are literally just around the corner and I'm still stuck here. I left Townsville on Tuesday and it's already Saturday.. I'm finished exams in about 5 days and then I'll have six weeks of just pure bliss. I've got a fair bit more to cover before Monday, and I'm not quite sure how much I can realistically do before I completely burn out.

I guess I haven't really posted since like.. idk 6 months ago or something. I'll fill you in on my life in a few days. I'm moving back onto Blogspot, simply because it's the easiest blogging platform and I can write about whatever I want without making my posts seems stupid or too long. In saying that, I'm still going to use Tumblr just because I'm so attached to it - eh seems lame but whatever. It's almost 12am and I've had pretty much zilch sleep.

I'm starting to hallucinate and my head feels like I'm going to fall off a bridge and commit. Literally. Ahh well, I'm sort of resigned to the fact that I may not do that well this semester, but this feeling is something I'm going to have to get used to. I'm not sure what's wrong with me - the competitive streak is still in me, but even though it's not really directed at anyone, I still want to do the best I can. Even while I sit here typing this, I have this inkling to want to open my biochem books and just write out biochemical pathways, simply because I don't really know them as much as I probably should. My knowledge base feels very.. inadequate at the moment and I absolutely hate that feeling. It's gotten to the point where I've spent far too much time to be happy to be achieving mediocrely. It feels really good to get that off my chest and see myself admitting it. I don't know whether I'll ever be able to rid myself even partial competitiveness. I hate seeing it in other people, but I guess that's because it's something I utterly detest in myself.

However, at the same time, I guess it's good to push myself, but perhaps not to the point where my brain is legitimately struggling to keep awake. I can actually see double vision and it's horrible. Anyway, sleep is awaiting me and I'll update this every few hours to keep myself sane.

Pre-exam freak out approaching

Let's face it, I'm in a huge ruckus right now. My insides are unsettled, my mind is everywhere and my entire body is just sick to death of studying. My entire week has comprised:

• Waking up
• Studying until about 5pm
• Breaks until around 6pm
• Dinner
• More study until I sleep
• Showering at 9pm to wake me up more
• More study until 12am
• Sleep
•  
•  
•  
• Repeat

This week has been hectic. As some of you probably know, my aunty passed away last Friday morning and the funeral was on Wednesday, which fully offset my schedule because I was supposed to come back to Brisbane last Friday, but obviously I couldn't really do anything about that.

It was sad. Really, really sad.. not to the point where I cried, because for some reason I never cry at funerals, but the worst part was when my cousins (my aunty's sons) were kissing her coffin during the burial service. Ack. Death is such a morbid subject. Literally.

Anyway, I just had the biggest panic attack. Fully.. effing.. thought it was Saturday, leaving me with only just over a day to revise everything, when really it's only Friday. Seems petty, but during SWOTVAC, time is incredibly INvaluable.